Your Honor, Can We Punt?
by Bryce Martin

When Michael Vick's attorney, Billy Martin, read what was supposed to be a statement from Vick, and he made the apology to his Falcons teammates for not being there for the opening "of spring training," two things were clear: 1. Vick didn't write the statement. 2. Vick's attorney knows nothing about pro football and likely nothing about sports in general.

The term "spring training" belongs exclusively to baseball. It is never, not even in the most casual of conversations or discourse, used in reference to pro football.

I'm guessing that Martin is solely focused on his career as an attorney as to be completely removed from the routine life of the common man. I'm not sure I would want such a person as my attorney, but, hey, that's what makes a dogfight, I mean a horserace.

Another thing. Martin's voice sounded angry that someone would even charge Vick with such crimes. Excuse me, guilty or not, dogfighting equipment, numerous buried dog carcasses, and dozens of bull dogs in cages is no call to get huffy after being charged with illegal dogfighting after a long federal investigation. It is, afterall, Vick's residence no matter how little he might say he stays there.

In addition to Vick's crack defensive team, he has the added support of Deion Sanders, who equated Vick's having the biggest and baddest dogs to his wanting the biggest and baddest cars and chains as a sign of status back when he was a star NFL defender. If you ever wondered whether Sanders really grasped the idea of religious conversion he said he achieved in recent years, this should reconcile that thought.
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For what it's worth:

Why would a cowboy want spurs that jingle jangle?

Judging by the classic photo, Marilyn Monroe didn't seem upset when her dress blew up while standing over the sidewalk grating.

The Phillies' Ryan Howard reminds me of the cop near the end of the movie in "Planet of the Apes."

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