The House of David bearded baseball boys
by Bryce Martin

Satchel Paige referred to the House of David baseball team as "Jesus' Boys."

I was fortunate enough to witness the bearded ones at Miners Park in Joplin around 1954. I think they played a black team that game called the Tulsa T-Town Clowns. If not, the Tulsa T-Town Clowns was another visiting attraction I observed at Miners Park versus another nine.

It was a fun night and a big deal for my elders who relished all things baseball. My uncle Noah, however, was not too fond of the large Star of David displayed near the visitors' dugout. Its size is what he seemed to dislike. Pushing one's religion was fine but going overboard by shouting the message with such a huge symbol was questionable in his mind. It was a point made quickly and then we were all smiles the rest of the night.

Putting aside the fact the original name for the group appears to be "House of Davids" (note the "s" on the end of "David") research indicates the House of David team didn't tour after World War II, that instead the team that did tour was called City of David. They usually toured in matchups with black teams, so I might be right on the Tulsa T-Town Clowns.

I asked area historian John Hall his take on the subject: "They probably were still called the House of Davids after the war by many non-City of David folks. I did know Frank Morrow, former Carthage and Miami Eagles outfielder. He told me he played for the 'House of Davids' in 1950-51 and had to purchase a fake beard because he couldn't grow one. Wish he was still around so I could talk about some of those things with him."

The last year the bearded baseball wonders sent a traveling team around the country was in 1956.

Further information revealed the House of David played in the first -- the very, very first -- night baseball game, at Independence, Kans., on April 17, 1930. (I think that might be disputed.) I know games were played long before that date with lanterns for lights.

And... other than their beards, what are they famous for?

Give up? -- "pepper game" exhibitions between innings. In fact, they are given credit for inventing the warmup and it was an integral part of their overall performance.

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Truckin Souls for Jesus Down Those Golden Interstates
by Bryce Martin

I like truck driving songs. Not the life so much as a personal thing, more how the tales of the road intersect our lives in ways we may not know, of a broader truth. The new folk songs. Parody, or for real, or just playful? I didn't write the following song and I don't know who did:

Mother Trucker

Come all you hearty truckers, I'll tell you of my fame
Waitress pour the coffee, won't somebody pass the cream
A broken heart has brought me to this truck stop here today
A heart that got run over on the interstate highway

It was fifteen years ago today dear mama left our home
She walked out before breakfast, the freeways for to roam
Now they say that ma's a trucker, out on that broad highway
She put on boots and Levi's, threw her gingham dress away

cho: What made her give up pots and pans for a gear box and a clutch
Leave her husband and nine children, who love her very much
Now she's mother to the truckers as the interstate she roams
But Lord if you love your children send that mother trucker home

Little did she know the danger as she drove her diesel through
Till she got in a heck of a terrible wreck just outside Kalamazoo
The flames was seen for miles and the streets ran red with gore
We despaired of ever feelin mama's tender touch no more

Three truckers, two state troopers and six cows was lost that day
But thanks to the love of Heaven above dear mama walked away
I ask you hearty truckers, as you travel through this land
Should the mother of nine children face the hazards of a man

Chorus

Well have you seen her Crystal, tell me have you seen her Pop?
Does she ever stop for a piece of pie down in this old truck stop
She's sweet and prob'ly grayer than she was when she left dad's farm
And a tattooed heart says Father in the crook of her right arm

Well fifteen years of searchin I can't track poor mama down
So I only hope she's happy in that rollin life she's found
One thing I know for certain, when we reach those pearly gates
She'll be truckin souls for Jesus down those golden interstates

Chorus

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Grammar-challenged Bakersfield song titles
by Bryce Martin

Hey, what do you want? These are country boys through and through. Sometimes song titles are written "countryish" on purpose, such as Fuzzy Owen's *"Yer Fer Me," and sometimes not, as in the ones below from Bakersfield 45 rpm records and LPs.

1.
"Put Me on the Welfare" (Darrell Gene)
Maybe it's just me, but shouldn't the article "the" be eliminated?

2.
"Opal, You Ask Me" (Tommy Collins)
Asked.

3.
"Hag and I" (Bob Teague)
Hag and Me.

4.
"Sing a Song" (Dennis Payne)
The line "I have sing a song" from where the title is born should contain "sang" and not "sing."

5.
"Bulshipers" (Red Simpson)
Technically, this may be correct, with one or two "p's" but it looks bad.

6.
"Scotish Guitar" (Gene Moles)
A "tt" I should see.

7.
*"Your For Me" (Buck Owens)
Go for "yer" for effect, or the contraction "you're" for "you are."

(This gets an asterisk because Owens wrote it and published it as "Your For Me" but when it came out on vinyl it was corrected by the record company and printed as "You're For Me." The song was published by Fuzzy Owen's Owen Publishing. Fuzzy did a hick version of it on record and titled it "Yer Fer Me.")

8.
"The Whizer" (The Bakersfield Five)
Even with instrumentals where just about anything goes concerning song titles, wouldn't "The Whizzer" just look better?

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Meaningful math formula for body count in Iraq
by Bryce Martin

Nearly each day comes the body count in Iraq from suicide bomb attacks.
How do we best interpret the numbers?
With me, it's a simple mathematical formula: You take the total number killed (including the suicide bomber) and subtract 1, for the suicide bomber. The sum difference is the number of those who might go to Heaven (depending on the lives they've led) and the subtracted suicide bomber is the one definitely going to Hell.
It is with a certain amount of, yes, pleasure that I know these misguided cretins will roast in the embers of everlasting flames.
Anyone who thinks "suicide is painless," as stated in the words of the M*A*S*H theme song (yes, it has lyrics), might want to disconsider any such romantic notions.

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When a car crash is a real crackup
by Bryce Martin

Does anyone out there remember Nervous Norvus and his song "Transfusion" from the year 1956? It's spoken, not sung. He does dumb things while driving and then you hear the sound effects of a car crash with a loose hubcap spinning to a clattering stop.

Right before the end of each verse he says "I'm never never never gonna speed again" and then he comfortably settles in for the hookup:

Pour the crimson to me, Jimson
Transfusion, transfusion...

Another verse and --

Pass the claret to me, Barrett
Transfusion, transfusion...

Another verse --

Put a gallon in me, Alan
Transfusion, transfusion...

I'll never forget the sound of the hubcab, sort of like a silver dollar spinning to a halt on a hollow-top table, and the flippant manner and lyrics of Nervous Norvus, who wasn't nervous at all.

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