Vandy remains constant, UT ripe for ridicule
by Bryce Martin
(An encore feature first published October 6, 2003)

Although they both are members of the powerful Southeastern Conference, there is a world of difference between Vanderbilt, which has a lot to overcome when it comes to football, and Tennessee, whose fans are touchy when you label them as hillbillies.


From the Merchant of Venom, Vitriol and Verisimilitude (that's me):

Vanderbilt and Mississippi State collided Saturday, i.e., they each tried to.

Coming into the head-to-head, the two had a combined 28 consecutive Southeastern Conference losses. Something had to give, and, of course, that something was Vandy.

I will try to summarize what it all means by filling in as best I can the void left by the late poet Ogden Nash. In my best Ogdian, here goes:

In this ever-changing world
Vandy football remains a constant.
If a game was on this date circled,
You can bet they lost it.

Mississippi State 31, Vanderbilt 21.

The Commodores are now zero for their last SEC 20.

Unlike Neo in The Matrix, new coach Bobby Johnson is not The One.

For those who say the problem of losing at Vandy is not who the coach is but lack of talent, that is only partially true. A literal handful of coaches in this U.S. of A. could work, squeeze, cajole - demand, even - another win or two and get it. Johnson is not one of that handful. Vandy fans will have to wait three or four more years, when Johnson is shown the door, to see if that coach comes along. Do not bet on it.

Remember a few years back, when University of Tennessee fans hyperventilated at mean old ESPN for portraying its Knoxville eleven as the butt of jokes perpetuating hillbilly stereotypes?

I was reminded of that Saturday on ESPN while watching the No. 7 Vols fall to Auburn, 28-21. UT's (way-) backup quarterback, #15 Jim Bob Cooter, was shouting plays (to little avail, apparently) given to him by the coaches from the sidelines to starting QB Casey Clausen.

Stereotypes? Jim Bob Cooter?

First off, UT is located in Knoxville, the South, mid-South really but the South nonetheless. If your mascot was, say, a lion, and you had an innocuous and forgettable fight song, like most schools, most of the rest of the country would still associate you with coonskin caps and all things Southern. Couple all that with the fact a Bluetick Coonhound called Smokey serves as your actual mascot, your fight song mentions moonshine stills, ducks in a pen, and a girl as sweet as soda pop. Toss in the fact your head coach is portly (remember: the higher the IQ the smaller the waistline) and you have... need I say hillbilly.

UT fans could not have been blindsided by the accusation back then. Now they have added a Jim Bob Cooter to the equation. UT has declared hillbillies' open season for ESPN.

In summation, Vandy, you ain't nothin', and UT, you ain't nothin' but a houn' dog.
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Published: 10/6/2003

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