Vols Men's Basketball an Ugly Sight
by Bryce Martin

Watching the Tennessee Volunteers men's basketball team on the telly is rough on the eyes, for four major reasons.

1. The uniforms. Enough already. Orange you are, but do you have to give us a full blast of the color. Why not orange stripes or something toned down a bit. You are a lot more proud of orange than any of us outside your locker will ever be. Besides, you're not even the Orangemen. That's Syracuse.

2. Bruce Pearl is getting as round as a dog tick. Didn't we have enough of that with Fat Phil? For once can't we see someone who has become successful show some slimness to go with it. Does career success bring with it a bigger appetite?

3. I nominate Tyler Smith to the All-Hillbilly Team. His sloppy pants and top would get him at least an honorable mention, but the Mammy Yoakum thing with his orange (don't we see enough of that color?) mouthpiece dangling from his mouth every time there is the slightest break in the action, elevates him to top-five status. Can't they find him a mouthpiece to fit so he doesn't have to rest his gums every minute or so?

4. Doff the white head bands. It's not so much the bands, it's the affected way they are worn, especially Wayne Chism's jauntily-angled one.

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