George, George, burning brightly
by Bryce Martin

The most prominent story on the Yahoo front page is how fatherhood has changed Tiger Woods. Sure, like he was Jesse James off the golf course before. The guy's a milktoast, plus he's just a golfer, for Christ's sake.

I had to toss in "Christ" because I was reminded of George Carlin who died recently. I wonder if he took some marshmallows along with him because he'll be in a place where roasting them could be a regular event.

It was Carlin who made a career out of letting us know he was way to smart to believe any of this religion nonsense. Bill Maher can now carry that flag. When you get right down to it, Carlin was just a standard liberal, which is not exactly the same as having a real opinion on weighty matters. It's more a matter of always being on the wrong side of anything with heft.

I did applaud Carlin's distaste for golfers and for our way-out-of-proportion hero worship. I don't know where he went so wrong as to get on the right side of those two items.

When you miss the really big one though, I guess nothing else really matters, by comparison. Actually, I know it doesn't, I'm not guessing.

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McCain Looking More and More Duddish
by Bryce Martin

Streaming headline: McCain Distances Himself from Aide Who Says Another Terrorist Attack Would Benefit Republicans

Why would McCain do that?

A compete moron knows that is a true statement. Maybe none truer in this election year.

The Democrats aren't just weak on national security and terrorism, they're Here-Take-It-If-You-Insist puny thin on putting us all up for grabs.

Anyone who is not aware of that fact should not be involved in our voting process.

McCain? He'd make a good running mate for Obama.

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Obama's minister of claptrap
by Bryce Martin

Criticizing the good reverend (ahem) Pfleger in a context that makes his skit involving a putdown of Hillary Clinton the point of emphasis is missing the point. His main indiscretion in that little stage show was his pandering to the black congregation. Look up the word claptrap in the encyclopedia and you will now see a picture of Pfleger.

Just look at the robed black chorus behind Pfleger as they become more animated the closer Pfleger gets to the transparent punchline you know is coming.

Another thing more galling than his easy Hillary joke is the fact he is obviously homosexual. Galling, because he is what denomination?

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Gathering a Poem While Gazing Out the Nighttime Window While Dreaming
by Bryce Martin

Those moon-lit dolls
With their cemetery smiles
The bow-wow
In the bedroom dust is ours

Vince Young a portrait of immaturity
by Bryce Martin

How can Vince Young think anyone would care if he had retired after his rookie season?

One blogger commented he'd retire too if he threw the football as poorly as Young. Another said he probably changed his mind only after he found out he'd have to give most of his money back to the Titans.

Young got little sympathy from readers regarding his admission in a recent interview to wanting to chuck it all when his comfort zone closed like a zone trap after replaying Year I of the NFL in his mind.

Personally, I wouldn't care if it meant not seeing him sulking on the sidelines after a benching for oversleeping and other team infractions. He always says he is just displaying his emotions, those that he has because he is such a competitor. Really? I could have sworn I saw a whiny kid.

Now he comes up with this "I thought about retiring" gambit. Retiring from what? Quitting is a better word. And for him, it is still a decent option.

Young's immaturity level is now apparent. It's just above the mercury bowl near 0. Immature kids commit suicide with the idea that the world will be sorry, that the world will sorely miss them when they're gone.

Young's mistake is thinking that anyone would care about his career suicide.

He needs to grow up, whether he can ever throw a football well or not.

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"El Paso" from 1959 by Marty Robbins.
The line is actually "Rose's Cantina."

Rosie's Cantina
by Bryce Martin

Nothing much happens in my hometown of Galena
Midnight you could find me at Rosie's Cantina
After a few beers down the way at the Mile-A-Way
Time for some black coffee and a pinball game

The jukebox is playing Lonnie Irving's "Pinball Machine"
Charlie Brown brings me my coffee and its steaming mean
Soon the place starts filling up with drunks of the night
Someone called "Nasty" is ambling the room for a fight

Plates fly past of eggs over easy and bacon fried up crisp
Silverware clatters on tables, in the corner someone gets kissed
Quarters are placed on the glass of my pinball machine
Meaning others are wanting me to concede the use of the thing

Sorry I say but I'll keep on drinking my mud and playing pinball
I might just play forever as long as I'm winning and all
I'm at Rosie's Cantina located just off main after midnight again
Lighting up the room as I give another pinball a spin

Well, ole Nasty I guess he sees this as his chance
He stands up across my way and gives me his best death glance
I act as if I hardly notice and wouldn't care if I had
He cowers back down and falls asleep on a chef's salad

Plates fly past of eggs over easy and bacon fried up crisp
Silverware clatters on tables, in the corner someone gets kissed
Quarters are placed on the glass of my pinball machine
Meaning others are wanting me to concede the use of the thing

Sorry I say but I'll keep on drinking my mud and playing pinball
I might just play forever as long as I'm winning and all
I'm at Rosie's Cantina located just off main after midnight again
Lighting up the room as I give another pinball a spin

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Who could follow Ted Kennedy?
by Bryce Martin

I read that in what I can only gather was a serious headline.

A dog comes to mind. A bloated one maybe. One who tosses another dog to die in a pond off the road.

So, how is that wonderful example of humankind to be replaced, to get back to the question. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

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